Do You See Me?

Cynthia Lopinto Feature Article Leave a comment 1,937 Views

By CYN LoPINTO
Editor-in-chief, gerontologist

There is a common complaint by many older people of feeling invisible. Women especially notice a change in the way others interact with them as they age. It shows up during their day to day activities and fuels the frustrating suspicion of being overlooked because there are younger more attractive people in the vicinity. Your “inner you” feels the same as you did when you were in your twenties, but the general public only sees the “outer you” and fading youth.

These moments can creep up at the most arbitrary times. You find yourself in a conversation with younger coworkers, share a comment and realize that you are coming across as the “out of touch” mom. You are at a party in deep conversation with someone you feel you have a connection with. You notice their attention drifting off the moment someone younger and better looking walks by. You are trying to get a store clerk’s help and can’t even get them to look at you. It can seem like you are off everyone’s radar.

When we are younger, a lot of our confidence stems from our physical attributes. We may get noticed and shown attention primarily because of our outer self, and then people get to know us. While this interest isn’t necessarily earned, we get used to the attention. It becomes a part of normal daily interactions and we take it for granted. Could this be more of a limiting quality than a positive one?

As we age, we become a more interesting version of ourselves. All of our experiences are added together and change the way we see the world around us. The inner beauty of people becomes much more interesting. Being an attractive person on the inside demands awareness and takes a lot of work. Whereas physical beauty is mainly a result of good genes, inner beauty is definitely earned. Our power comes from this along with the sum of our experiences. We gain confidence from getting through rough times and realizing that we can handle whatever comes our way.

What if instead of viewing how attractive we are through physical definitions only, we look at the whole picture? Yes, our bodies are changing and we do not look as youthful as we once did. But change does not equal loss. We are here and our bodies are a part of us. Let’s be more concerned with staying healthy and active and feeling good.

Showing confidence and being comfortable in your own skin makes you attractive to others. No matter where you are in your physical journey or emotional quest, seize your moment on this planet. Don’t just take up space but own the room. If you think of yourself as invisible and outdated, you send that attitude out to those around you. Only you can give yourself power and take it away.

Lastly, figure out the people you really wish to spend time with. Do you want to waste precious hours with people that bring you down or make you feel unimportant? Pick friends and acquaintances with similar likes and interests. Make changes if needed. Maybe you no longer enjoy the book club you have been a part of or your weekly tennis group. It is ok to lose interest in certain activities and drop them from your schedule if they no longer excite you. By taking control of your time and how you chose to fill it, will further prove that you are the person in charge of your life.

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Cynthia Lopinto

Cyn LoPinto, M.A. is a gerontologist focusing on significant issues affecting older adults and their families. Her areas of interest include lifestyle enrichment, family dynamics, and caregiver support. Cyn has worked in both the recreational and healthcare industries.